April 1, 2015
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Hilbert College has announced it will begin offering a new major in Internet Journalism. Some of the core courses include:
#COM 102 – Writing Headlines that subsequently have nothing to do with the content of the story
#COM 201 – The Epitome of Hyperbole – EVERYTHING you write should be the MOST important story of all time
#COM 245 – How to create useless, needless, and worthless lists that will waste an immeasurable amount of people’s time
#COM 401 – How to get the most clicks on social media – take some of the most obvious things in society and act like you are performing a public service by publishing them. For Example – The most important thing to do this weekend, that you probably never thought of … Click the link and get: Don’t turn your clocks back.
Now for 14 of the MOST important rules of Internet Journalism (there is really only 5, but 14 sounded better)
- Accuracy, Accuracy, Accuracy … is NOT important on the internet
- Objectivity has no place on the internet. Don’t let the facts get in the way of your opinion! Don’t worry about telling the Who, What, When, Why, and How
- Lists are your friend, make ‘em up. As many as you want, about whatever you want, really I’m not kidding. The 17 most thirst-quenching beverages (water is not one of them) – Go for it!
- You don’t really have to take into account things like: public trust, truthfulness, fairness, integrity, independence or accountability. It’s just the Internet.
- You should not worry yourself with minor details like spelling, punctuation, and grammar.
For those interested in this major, please email your questions to AFD2015@nosuchemail.edu.
